Overcoming an Obligated Way of Living

When I was a little girl, I remember hearing such things as, “Abi, be nice.” That’s what one is supposed to do, correct? Of course! However, between only hearing positive remarks about my acadmic skills and nothing in regards to my character traits FURTHER MIXED with hearing my father nag my mother on occasion, I felt inferior to who I SHOULD BE. For as long as I remember, I have contemplated a road to take and then mulled if it was acceptable given what I was SUPPOSED TO do and be. Over time, I did not even give thought to this sort of thing. Living a life of obligation to the world became reflexive. Much of my recent changes lately have been indirectly inspired by my husband, Dan. For years, he has told me to remove him from the pedastal upon which I placed him and be his equal. Based on my instinct, this has been quite the challenge . Then I thought of being assertive. However, in my head, I have still had a battle with obligation: what Abi should and should not do. Since I lived a life of prudence and obligation for so long to the point of changing my habits, it has been difficult to even grasp the chains that I seek to remove. I have learned that I have been afraid to take a step away from the impositions I have placed upon myself. After all, there is prudence in the decisions that I make minus the concept that I am a human too. FEAR is an emotion based on an illusion. It is False Evidence Appearing Real. There is one more challenge, and that is being able to look at myself in the mirror and identify my good character traits. The way that I first had a notion I had that I needed to point out my positive character traits to myself was when I was watching  “The Help.” There is a scene near the end of the movie where Abileen says goodbye to Mae after she is fired. Abileen reminds Mae to remember she is special, kind, and important. I’m learning to identify the good in me.For when I do that, the obligated life fades. Furthermore, if there is an area that I still feel I should change, confirming myself on who I am and what I can do is much more fulfilling than constantly saying I could be better in a multitude of ways.

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